Games We Play

One of the things that Brian and I like to do for fun is to change user names and/or passwords on any major accounts without telling the other person.  If you'd like to play along at home, it goes like this.

1. Log on and realize your saved password doesn't work.
2. Send a nice text, like "hey sweetie did you change the password?" Add a heart emoji. 
3. Try every password you have ever shared with sweetie for the last 20 years.  Be sure to strike a fine balance between trying all the passwords and getting locked out.  This game is not for amateurs.
4. Provide your social, your address, and your blood type and click the link.  Oh and the link "may have gone to spam."  Spam?  Spam?!  Stop sending legit shit to my spam folder.  Is there no fix for this issue which has plagued us since the days of AOL?
5. Change the password.

The next step is key, so pay attention.

    6.  Forget to tell the other person that you changed it.

Then simply wait for the fun to ensue because then he does it to you, and then you do it to him and this game can just last forever!  After the fourth round, try escalating the text messages from sweet and kind to rage texts with a healthy combination of question marks and exclamation points.  For instance, you may try something like, "SRSLY??!!!?  STOP CHANGING THE AMEX PASSWORD!!!"

This game works well with most major household accounts.  It is particularly effective with any site which involves money or utilities.  Here's how to raise the stakes: have the customer service representative on the phone with you while you try to get into an account where your partner won the last round of "change the password."  Most customer service representatives are extremely patient while you try to log on, as you know.  As an aside, dear customer service rep, can't YOU find the account number that I'm calling you about?  Can't you look it up by my name or this phone number?  I can order some Starbucks to my front porch, Instacart $200 worth of groceries, and have a New York Times bestseller on my doorstep in 30 minutes without having to find an account number.  I'm just saying.

Back to the game.  One of my favorite versions of this game is changing the password of any streaming app.  Because, damn, if I'm finally sitting down at the end of the night and I have my jammies on and I'm going to watch just one episode of whatever is currently educating me/rotting my brain and you have changed the Netflix or Hulu password?!?!???!!!  Do not try this at home.  (Please note the effective use of excessive question marks and exclamation points.  People think its adorable when you text like this, by the way.)  

Please don't tell me about some fancy linked-calendar-password-file-share-automated-text-app THING which can fix this problem.  This writer does not want to know.  You know why?  Because Brian and I will keep changing the passwords to it and then my whole life will be locked up in there.  My entire existence will be in the cloud.  You can't get into the cloud cause you don't know the password to the cloud.  No one does.  So we can't fix it.  We just play the game.