What has the world come to that I'm getting a life saving vaccine in a Target dressing room?
Look-I rarely, if ever, post about politics, controversial topics, religion and basically anything about which people feel quite strongly. It is not that I don't feel strongly about these things. I'm strong. I feel strongLY, people. But most of the time it doesn't get you very far except down into the mud with some troll you knew 20 years ago. You may not have known that he was a troll back then because that term did not exist, but here they are livin' under your bridge while you're just trying to trip-trap over said bridge like the GOAT you are. That's GOAT as in Greatest of All Time. And yes, I hit you with fairy tale knowledge wrapped into some 2020 slang. Boom.
I scheduled the vaccine on my computer. It was easy. Just click to different sites 25 times, go to 14 pharmacy websites, create 14 new accounts, select an appointment, make sure the brand they're giving isn't going to kill you (ahem. J&J), go back cause your session timed out while you were trying to take a picture of your insurance card. Do most of that whole thing again. Forget the new passwords you just made. Reset passwords. Have second thoughts. Go get coffee. Make the appointment. Receive 7 emails and 2 QR codes confirming the thing that you've been waiting a year to do, but you're also Alicia so you may forget that you scheduled it for 24 hours from now.
Find out that even though I registered through CVS, they are sending me to the CVS in my Target store. Like, I want to feel happy cause that's super convenient, but also...I'm a scooch nervous to get my vaccine at Target in a decidedly non-medical setting. And this is all before I knew that I was getting my shot in the dressing room.
The pharmacist at the counter was not friendly and I immediately began to worry that I was getting my vaccine from someone with negative energy and thereby negativity was going to be injected into my arm. Yes, these are the type of thoughts that go through my head. I just really didn't want him to do my shot. But his only job was filling out the very high-tech and very not-able-to-be-forged-or-duplicated-in-any-way white card. Guys, can we all agree this white card is utter nonsense? Could we have not Operation Warp-Speeded some kind of high tech option instead of this white card? Or at least make it a punch card like at the ice cream parlor or the carwash so after I get 2 shots I get the third shot free? Or a discount on a future shot? Also, we're in Target. So could my white vaccine card also come with a coupon for a free Tide product?
The counter pharmacist gives me my card and tells me to go to the fitting room. I'm visualizing where the fitting rooms are and I'm thinking, is there a portal to a hospital back there? Or at least like a bare- bones urgent care? Is there someone in a white coat? This is getting weird.
Card in hand I go to the fitting rooms. There is someone in a white coat so I'm relieved. She's a pharmacist. I checked. Twice. And she's much nicer than the guy at the counter so I'm okay with her injecting me with positivity and Pfizer. I really feel like Fresh Unders is going to get flagged by the government for covid and vaccine related propaganda once this is posted. If I disappear, go through the portal in the Target dressing room. I'll be there. We go in the dressing room, chat a bit, I get the shot and we're all done.
But I forgot about the 15 minute waiting period. The nice pharmacist tells me to hang out here, around the fitting room area, and wait for 15 minutes and if nothing happens I can go. Um. Ok. But what if something does actually happen? Is a Target team member going to save my life? They're awesome and everything but I'm fairly certain they A) do not know how to save someone from a deadly vaccine reaction and B) they do not get paid enough for that shit. I am rethinking my "convenience over medical setting" appointment choice.
I decide to browse while waiting. When in Rome. So I'm back there in the men's socks, near the women's jewelry. I just give a wave and a nod to the pharmacist who is moving on to the next shell-shocked person getting their covid vaccine in a Target dressing room. I also ask a man waiting for his wife who is shopping the maternity wear to just let someone know if I drop dead. He kind of nods but also kind of doesn't. Cause he's all, "who the hell would get a Covid vaccine in Target on a Saturday afternoon?" You're not wrong, buddy.
While waiting my 15 minutes I grab some cute earrings and a pack of socks for Aidan. I also remember we're out of Starbucks Cold Brew for Norah and she can't survive without it. No teenager can. And we need more Clorox wipes and Tide. Here's where my white vaccine card/Tide coupon could've come in handy, US government! In all honesty, I only waited 11 minutes and walked to the front to grab a cart. Then I got the rest of my necessities and went to check out whatever Chip and Joanna are slinging these days in the home section. Juliet has a friend's birthday party coming up so had to snatch up a Soccer Barbie in the toy section. Oooo. Outdoor lanterns. Into the cart they go. You will always spend $200 on stuff you don't need in Target, even in a post-vaccine haze.
So while I've never gotten inoculated against a deadly worldwide pandemic inside a Target before-it is a whole new world and we just have to embrace it. Gives new meaning to the slogan, "Target run and done." And as I told my friends later that night, the only thing those Target dressing room walls have seen are a lot of suburban moms trying to squeeze their asses into a size medium, so they're being put to better use now. I bet it felt good for Target to sell some Tide and save some lives.
I felt absolutely fine after my shot, so thank God for small miracles. And if I'm able to find my white vaccine card in 22 days? You can file that under small miracles as well.
Comments
Post a Comment